I wanted to respond to a comment from a dear reader in one of my previous posts. I just want to make sure that ya'll know that I am coming from an honest heart when I write, and I am far, far from perfect. The question was something along the lines of why the wives have to do all of the changing, and take on extra responsibilities for the good of the family. This is a hard question because I have honestly struggled with this myself. Why do I have to be both parents to our child half of the time? Why do I have to be the one to get up every night with a baby when I'm sick myself? Why do I have to deal with being lonely while he's gone? etc.
Friends, it isn't easy! And when I realized what my role as a wife meant I wanted to tell God to take it back. It wasn't fair!
Now, I know that I cannot speak to everyone's situation, only to my own. And if you are struggling in a marriage where you are definitely pulling your weight along with that of a small elephant, I am so sorry. And I want you to know that is not the way God planned marriage. Marriage is a PARTNERSHIP. Both giving equally and working together to make a strong unified force. But life isn't perfect, and neither are people. This is where things get a little hairy.
By nature we are selfish beings. We look out for numero uno. When we have to start looking at another person's needs above our own, a fight starts in our hearts and minds. Self doesn't want to give to others what it can keep for it's own benefit. And when it does give up something for someone and that person isn't grateful, then heaven help us, it isn't fair!
I am not preaching to anyone but myself here. This is what I have struggled with in our marriage; feeling like I wasn't getting my fair share. You want to know what I honestly think spurs my thought processes that are destructive?
I blame our culture. I blame it for putting the idea in my head that what I do is insignificant because my only job occupation is a wife/mother. I blame our culture for making any woman believe that no matter how hard she works at that full time job while taking care of her family at home that she will always be inferior to a man. Hang in here with me dear friends. I'm trying to make a point.
I have a question: Do you feel like you could ever be good at anything if you do not believe in your value as a person? Maybe that isn't the right question. Let me put it this way: Would you find more joy in whatever occupation you have, whether it be a working mom or a stay at home mom if you believed that you had value not only in your relationship to your husband but as a woman? Ladies, when God put Adam in that Garden he saw that it was not good for him to be alone. Sure, Adam could have landscaped the Garden on his own, probably managed the animals on his own, and well, he didn't really have to cook now did he? So he wouldn't have starved to death. But God said, "It is not good for man to be alone." (my emphasis added). We are important. What we do is important. Yes, times have changed and so many women now have way more responsibilities then ever before. But we were created for a special, specific purpose. I could go off on a whole other topic but I want to reign this in here before it gets away with me.
When I approach my marriage with the attitude that I am worthless and can contribute nothing then I am walking into a deep pit because fear is going to rule my life. And it has, for a long time. When I approach my marriage with the realization that God created me for this specific purpose and role then that gives me value. Am I making any sense here? I am not less then my husband. I am different, but equal. Let me see if I can tie this all together.
Knowing that God created me as a woman to fulfill a specific purpose in His plan gives me so much joy! It doesn't matter what I do today, if it's just a load of laundry, and picking up toys all day God wants me here right now. And I believe with all my heart that He is proud of me and that He sees my struggles everyday. Oh, but what joy must fill His heart when I wake up the next day and say, "Lord, You are my portion and strength. Whatever Your plan for today is give me strength to do it well."
In the end the only person that I can change is me. My circumstances may be hard but I don't have to dwell in them. When I give them over to God and just focus everyday on what my task is for that day I don't have to worry. God is taking care of the rest. He changes hearts, and He hears our cries. In Him I have my purpose, and the promise that whatever His plans for my life is HE will be the One to accomplish them. Not me.When I know that God is taking care of everything I don't have to worry that self will be taken care of. When I am serving others I am doing it because I love God and He has done way more for me. Now, I can't just give, and give and not have anything fill me up. But I feel like that is for a whole other discussion. I guess that is my answer to the question. I can't change most circumstances like the fact that I probably do more then the average wife/mom with a husband that works a typical 9 to 5 job. But like I said my husband isn't just a job description and sometimes it's hard for me to separate that from my relationship with him. I made a commitment to him, for better or worse. Some days it feels like worse lol. But the rest of those days are best.
I just want you all to know that I pray if you are weary tonight that God will give you rest, and if you are weak that God will be your strength , and that if are battered from this thing called life, that God will fight for you.
And to the reader who took the time to comment, thank you for sharing your heart. I hope that you are able to get some much needed rest, and that God will strengthen your heart. Hang in there!
I hope that I made some sense. I feel like I circled the bush but didn't quite get to the point :-/ I was thinking of so much it was hard to write it all down and make sense. Let me know what you think and if you can relate. I hope that everyone has a great night!
-Lizzy
"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10
Friends, it isn't easy! And when I realized what my role as a wife meant I wanted to tell God to take it back. It wasn't fair!
Now, I know that I cannot speak to everyone's situation, only to my own. And if you are struggling in a marriage where you are definitely pulling your weight along with that of a small elephant, I am so sorry. And I want you to know that is not the way God planned marriage. Marriage is a PARTNERSHIP. Both giving equally and working together to make a strong unified force. But life isn't perfect, and neither are people. This is where things get a little hairy.
By nature we are selfish beings. We look out for numero uno. When we have to start looking at another person's needs above our own, a fight starts in our hearts and minds. Self doesn't want to give to others what it can keep for it's own benefit. And when it does give up something for someone and that person isn't grateful, then heaven help us, it isn't fair!
I am not preaching to anyone but myself here. This is what I have struggled with in our marriage; feeling like I wasn't getting my fair share. You want to know what I honestly think spurs my thought processes that are destructive?
I blame our culture. I blame it for putting the idea in my head that what I do is insignificant because my only job occupation is a wife/mother. I blame our culture for making any woman believe that no matter how hard she works at that full time job while taking care of her family at home that she will always be inferior to a man. Hang in here with me dear friends. I'm trying to make a point.
I have a question: Do you feel like you could ever be good at anything if you do not believe in your value as a person? Maybe that isn't the right question. Let me put it this way: Would you find more joy in whatever occupation you have, whether it be a working mom or a stay at home mom if you believed that you had value not only in your relationship to your husband but as a woman? Ladies, when God put Adam in that Garden he saw that it was not good for him to be alone. Sure, Adam could have landscaped the Garden on his own, probably managed the animals on his own, and well, he didn't really have to cook now did he? So he wouldn't have starved to death. But God said, "It is not good for man to be alone." (my emphasis added). We are important. What we do is important. Yes, times have changed and so many women now have way more responsibilities then ever before. But we were created for a special, specific purpose. I could go off on a whole other topic but I want to reign this in here before it gets away with me.
When I approach my marriage with the attitude that I am worthless and can contribute nothing then I am walking into a deep pit because fear is going to rule my life. And it has, for a long time. When I approach my marriage with the realization that God created me for this specific purpose and role then that gives me value. Am I making any sense here? I am not less then my husband. I am different, but equal. Let me see if I can tie this all together.
Knowing that God created me as a woman to fulfill a specific purpose in His plan gives me so much joy! It doesn't matter what I do today, if it's just a load of laundry, and picking up toys all day God wants me here right now. And I believe with all my heart that He is proud of me and that He sees my struggles everyday. Oh, but what joy must fill His heart when I wake up the next day and say, "Lord, You are my portion and strength. Whatever Your plan for today is give me strength to do it well."
In the end the only person that I can change is me. My circumstances may be hard but I don't have to dwell in them. When I give them over to God and just focus everyday on what my task is for that day I don't have to worry. God is taking care of the rest. He changes hearts, and He hears our cries. In Him I have my purpose, and the promise that whatever His plans for my life is HE will be the One to accomplish them. Not me.When I know that God is taking care of everything I don't have to worry that self will be taken care of. When I am serving others I am doing it because I love God and He has done way more for me. Now, I can't just give, and give and not have anything fill me up. But I feel like that is for a whole other discussion. I guess that is my answer to the question. I can't change most circumstances like the fact that I probably do more then the average wife/mom with a husband that works a typical 9 to 5 job. But like I said my husband isn't just a job description and sometimes it's hard for me to separate that from my relationship with him. I made a commitment to him, for better or worse. Some days it feels like worse lol. But the rest of those days are best.
I just want you all to know that I pray if you are weary tonight that God will give you rest, and if you are weak that God will be your strength , and that if are battered from this thing called life, that God will fight for you.
And to the reader who took the time to comment, thank you for sharing your heart. I hope that you are able to get some much needed rest, and that God will strengthen your heart. Hang in there!
I hope that I made some sense. I feel like I circled the bush but didn't quite get to the point :-/ I was thinking of so much it was hard to write it all down and make sense. Let me know what you think and if you can relate. I hope that everyone has a great night!
-Lizzy
"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10
3 comments:
Thank you for prayers for my rest and strength. I am in tears knowing that you have taken time to lift me before God. Thank you also for your honesty. Living life through the point of view you write about will bring us closer to the Lord which is what our ultimate goal should be. I can easily lose that perspective in my day to day. Thank you for the reminder.
((hugs)) you are more then welcome dear one! Life can be a day to day struggle but God will bring us through!
I totally 110% get where you're coming from. Early on in my husband's EMS career it seemed he used the whole "When I work I'm up 24hrs no sleep; you're just going to have to take care of things." Keep in mind I had a full time job 190 days out of the year, and full time mom 365 days out of the year. I can't tell you how many arguments we had over his mentality. Don't get me wrong I'm not downplaying that fact that my career in no way compares to the stresses he has. I don't have people's lives in my hands or see the things he sees. But he held onto that mentality for many years until he finally "got it." I was asking him to take on the world at home, just give me a hand. Many prayers to God I prayed until we got in a better place. There's still plenty of struggles, but nothing like the early years.
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