When all you've got, still isn't enough.

It was about dinner time and once again my kitchen was a complete disaster. As in every inch of counter space was occupied by dirty bowls, used pots, and pans, and a nice line of cups with crusty utensils in them. I just wanted to scream. I didn't have the courage to delve into this terrifying spectacle to clean it. And I sure didn't feel like cooking afterwards!
Do you ever have times in your life where you feel like you've been through the wringer one too many times? Times where you tell yourself "There's a light at the end of this tunnel, I know it" only to realize it's not coming any time soon?
That has been my story for at least the past twelve months. I don't think I realized how often I was just in "survival mode" getting through the day but getting nothing out of it. And I certainly wasn't putting anything into my life that's for sure!

Although I have been pursuing answers for my physical exhaustion through blood tests and such to check my thyroid (results I haven't had reviewed yet) I've realized that my weariness was more then skin deep. The past four years of my life have been ones of continuous turmoil and heartache. Everything seemed as if it was spinning out of control. All the while I was doing what I could to control my little part of the world in my family, and in my home. This was such a huge mistake on my part because there are very few things that I can control or have influence over. I cannot keep someone from breaking my heart, I cannot prevent a car from breaking down, ensure my child won't get sick or dodge tragedy. I can't do any of that. The only thing that I can do is control my response. And my response to life's many downs was this: fear. Overwhelming, panic inducing fear. I'm just one big ball of stress!
But the other day I was listening to a sermon by a Minister called Adrian Rogers. It was like a light switch was turned on, now I understood!
It was a sermon about stress and how we should deal with stress. Boy, did I get an earful!
You see, as the pastor explained, we have mainly three sources of stress
1. Thing that we have to do- ie. work, take care of kids, house, etc.
2. Opportunities we don't want to lose- ie. new house, that raise you've been waiting for, etc.
3. Things we want to do or get done or feel obligated to do- ie. that big remodel, fundraiser for the kids soccer team, etc.
All of these things put stress on our lives. And if they are not handled properly they can become a big pain in the rear. Or like in my case, run your life. I don't know about you but I am sick and tired of living in survival mode! I want to have the abundant life that isn't controlled by stress and fear. That's why I was so glad to hear the easy solution: wait on God. I know, I know. If you are like me you have probably heard that a few hundred times. You may have had a well meaning friend from Bible Study group tell you, "Just let God handle it , dear, it'll work out." But then you're in the midst of great conflict, "waiting", and nothing happens! Where is God?

I know this: God never leaves our side. Especially during difficulty. But 99.99999% of the time He is working in ways we either don't expect or see right now.
You see, we aren't promised a life without sorrows or trials but we are promised strength and provision. This is something that I am continually learning because when things aren't moving the way I would like them to I like to take the reigns. Since obviously I am well equipped to do so ;)
Waiting on the Lord doesn't mean sitting on your behind all day fretting, wondering what is going to happen next. It's seeking Him in every. Single. Moment.

Breathe. Be thankful for what you have already been given. If you can't find something to be thankful about right now, thank Him for what He is doing for your future.

Love you all sweet readers,
Lizzy

Happy Days :)

We are having a nice lazy summer here :) B was actually off for Father's Day, and while we didn't have a big event it was so nice to just have him home. Our little lake is a nice getaway for us. We enjoy walking on the little beach, watching S play on the play set, and swinging on large wooden swings while watching the sun set. My sister and her friend stayed with us for a week and it was such a sweet time of fellowship. 

 

 

 

I am soaking up this sweet time for our family. I hope that your summer is splendid as well! 

-Liz

Blauer Tactical Boots Review

We received a pair of boots from Blauer for review purposes. No other compensation was received. All opinions are our own.



If there is one thing you can be sure of in the EMS profession it's the long, hard hours that wear on you physically and mentally. And if you've been working in EMS for any length of time you also know that with those long hours comes wear and tear on your gear and uniforms. Around here we try to make things last as long as possible so we take extra care of my hubby's gear, especially his boots. When we were presented with the opportunity to try out a new product from Blauer we were excited at the chance and we are more then happy to share our experience with you, dear readers!

Blauer has been around for over 75 years in the business of providing top of the line quality in Police, Fire, and EMS gear. Because of their commitment they strive to provide a product that is both functional and of the best quality in material. The boots we received were nothing short of this expectation. If you would like to learn more about Blauer and other products they offer you can check out their website at www.blauer.com . 

Although I like to think I was just as excited to see the boots when they arrived on our doorstep as my hubby, I'll let him tell you about his experience with the boots and his thoughts ;)

Hey everyone! I'm going to take over Liz's page for a minute and tell you about the product I was able to try out. So the particular boot that I decided to test is a waterproof model. The Blitz 8" Waterproof model to be exact. You can see all of the specs at this link http://www.blauer.com/law-enforcement/footwear/boots/blitz-8-waterproof-boot-fw028wp.html 

When seeing the boots for the first time they appeared to be on the bulky side so I was curious to see how they would perform. However, upon wearing them I was pleasantly surprised to find out how comfortable they were for the size of the boot. They were also very light, more so than other water proof boots that I have worn in the past.   Unlike other new boots that I have worn I had no blisters or soreness in the first few days while breaking them in which was so nice. I credit all of the padding in the boots for this as they seemed to be cushioned in all of the right places. 

They also exceeded my expectations for being water proof. I wore them for three weeks on night shift and encountered very rainy weather, trudged through the mud in ditches and they were very durable. They didn't even seem to scratch easy. The sole I believe is excellent. Very strong and durable in the short time that I attempted to torture it. The grip is very good as well. A very rubbery, almost stickiness to it.  Most boots with this sort of grip always seem to lose its "stickiness" where this boot did not.

The boots are also very warm.  Sometimes too warm for our weather here in the South during late Spring, and Summer. That's the only downside that I could see to the boot but that is my personal situation.

These boots also had new lacing technology that I actually liked more then I thought I would. 

It works very smoothly. I loved being able to pop it out and immediately could kick them off at the station. 

Only issue was putting them on when we got a run. At first I didn't mind twisting them on but after several runs it got a little annoying at 3 in the morning when everyone else was sleeping to hear the ticking sound of putting it back on. It did become a running joke at the station that everyone could hear me getting ready lol. It took quite a bit longer than a zipper to put back on. But it wasn't that bad. Overall I loved the idea of it. Much more comfortable not having the zipper on the side of the boot and the cable or cord that tightens up the boot did so in an even manner. Though sometimes due to the heat it would have been nice to just loosen up the upper part of the boot by itself. Yet, again I do realize that is situational due to my climate.

 Probably the least important analyses of the boot would be the appearance and look of the boot. Everyone will have a different opinion of the boot but I personally originally thought the boot was not the prettiest boot. But after wearing the boot for hours and hours I don't mind the looks. The performance of the boot outweighs the looks any day and I am more about practicality than looks.

Overall I do like the boot. Anyone looking for a waterproof, strong, durable, warm, lightweight boot with a touch of modern technology, this is an excellent choice. If you are in a warm climate like me this might not be your first choice for a traditional all-weather boot. But in the winter time this will be the boot that I wear. I hope this helps anyone in search of their next field boots.

-Liz's Medic

*Again if you would like to see this particular pair of boots or any of the other products they carry just check out Blauer's website at www.blauer.com

More updates coming soon!

I have so missed writing this past month and I am so excited about the future on this blog as I am carving out more time to devote to it. Thank you for all of your faithful support in reading it and for the sweet emails that I receive from all of you. It truly touches my heart! Please stay tuned as I continue to make changes and bring more posts to you.

God Bless!

Longest winter. EVER.

I know that I am not the only one complaining about this freak weather that has been plaguing just about every corner of our country. But where I am come from and where we live we aren't really used to this kind of weather so when I woke up one morning and I saw this: 

I was surprised. But I was not a fun mom. I didn't take my little one out to play with the white stuff, even though it could be another few years before she sees snow again. We enjoyed it inside the comfort of our snug little house.

I have to admit it was beautiful though! Even though I was stuck inside my house for a week until the ice melted. At least I buy groceries for two weeks worth of food when I shop otherwise it would have been a pain in the rear. S and I tried to entertain ourselves as best we could since hubby is on the special rescue team for disasters and such. Not sure what they are called all I know is he was on call like a lot. So, boo winter! 

But I can't complain too much when I have this little cutie for company :) 

How did little Miss entertain herself the whole time you ask? Oh, by drawing on whatever clean wall surface with crayons. *Sigh* just when I think I have found every last one and confiscated it she ends up with another one and draws before I can catch her. Usually while I am cooking or doing laundry. I guess we have a future artist on our hands. She won't be able to say I never let her express herself! 

I had to get a pick of her adorable little curls. Her hair is getting long! she will be 2 in a couple of months. I can't believe how fast the time has gone! :( 
 And boy does she have personality! One night after her bath I told her to go in the living room and pick a book for me to read to her before bed, while I went to get her PJ's. I come back and find her like this 

 That's our copy of Sherlock Holmes' mysteries. What is so hilarious is that she actually had it right side up! She makes me laugh everyday.

 

We also painted our nails together 

 

But most of the time she just goofs off. I love that about her :) 

 

Our medic is pretty cool too I guess ;) 

That's all I have this time folks. I'm just ready for sunshine and swimming pools. Can I get an amen? 

Winter, it's time to take your sorry butt out of here, I'm tired of you hanging around.

Sincerely,

Me

Before you get the wrong idea about me

I wanted to respond to a comment from a dear reader in one of my previous posts. I just want to make sure that ya'll know that I am coming from an honest heart when I write, and I am far, far from perfect. The question was something along the lines of why the wives have to do all of the changing, and take on extra responsibilities for the good of the family. This is a hard question because I have honestly struggled with this myself. Why do I have to be both parents to our child half of the time? Why do I have to be the one to get up every night with a baby when I'm sick myself? Why do I have to deal with being lonely while he's gone? etc.
Friends, it isn't easy! And when I realized what my role as a wife meant I wanted to tell God to take it back. It wasn't fair! 

Now, I know that I cannot speak to everyone's situation, only to my own. And if you are struggling in a marriage where you are definitely pulling your weight along with that of a small elephant, I am so sorry. And I want you to know that is not the way God planned marriage. Marriage is a PARTNERSHIP. Both giving equally and working together to make a strong unified force. But life isn't perfect, and neither are people. This is where things get a little hairy. 

By nature we are selfish beings. We look out for numero uno. When we have to start looking at another person's needs above our own, a fight starts in our hearts and minds. Self doesn't want to give to others what it can keep for it's own benefit. And when it does give up something for someone and that person isn't grateful, then heaven help us, it isn't fair! 
I am not preaching to anyone but myself here. This is what I have struggled with in our marriage; feeling like I wasn't getting my fair share. You want to know what I honestly think spurs my thought processes that are destructive?
I blame our culture. I blame it for putting the idea in my head that what I do is insignificant because my only job occupation is a wife/mother. I blame our culture for making any woman believe that no matter how hard she works at that full time job while taking care of her family at home that she will always be inferior to a man. Hang in here with me dear friends. I'm trying to make a point.

I have a question: Do you feel like you could ever be good at anything if you do not believe in your value as a person? Maybe that isn't the right question. Let me put it this way: Would you find more joy in whatever occupation you have, whether it be a working mom or a stay at home mom if you believed that you had value not only in your relationship to your husband but as a woman? Ladies, when God put Adam in that Garden he saw that it was not good for him to be alone. Sure, Adam could have landscaped the Garden on his own, probably managed the animals on his own, and well, he didn't really have to cook now did he? So he wouldn't have starved to death. But God said, "It is not good for man to be alone." (my emphasis added). We are important. What we do is important. Yes, times have changed and so many women now have way more responsibilities then ever before. But we were created for a special, specific purpose. I could go off on a whole other topic but I want to reign this in here before it gets away with me. 

When I approach my marriage with the attitude that I am worthless and can contribute nothing then I am walking into a deep pit because fear is going to rule my life. And it has, for a long time. When I approach my marriage with the realization that God created me for this specific purpose and role then that gives me value. Am I making any sense here? I am not less then my husband. I am different, but equal. Let me see if I can tie this all together. 
Knowing that God created me as a woman to fulfill a specific purpose in His plan gives me so much joy! It doesn't matter what I do today, if it's just a load of laundry, and picking up toys all day God wants me here right now. And I believe with all my heart that He is proud of me and that He sees my struggles everyday. Oh, but what joy must fill His heart when I wake up the next day and say, "Lord, You are my portion and strength. Whatever Your plan for today is give me strength to do it well." 
 In the end the only person that I can change is me. My circumstances may be hard but I don't have to dwell in them. When I give them over to God and just focus everyday on what my task is for that day I don't have to worry. God is taking care of the rest. He changes hearts, and He hears our cries. In Him I have my purpose, and the promise that whatever His plans for my life is HE will be the One to accomplish them. Not me.When I know that God is taking care of everything I don't have to worry that self will be taken care of. When I am serving others I am doing it because I love God and He has done way more for me. Now, I can't just give, and give and not have anything fill me up. But I feel like that is for a whole other discussion.  I guess that is my answer to the question. I can't change most circumstances like the fact that I probably do more then the average wife/mom with a husband that works a typical 9 to 5 job. But like I said my husband isn't just a job description and sometimes it's hard for me to separate that from my relationship with him. I made a commitment to him, for better or worse. Some days it feels like worse lol. But the rest of those days are best. 
 
I just want you all to know that I pray if you are weary tonight that God will give you rest, and if you are weak that God will be your strength , and that if are battered from this thing called life, that God will fight for you. 
And to the reader who took the time to comment, thank you for sharing your heart. I hope that you are able to get some much needed rest, and that God will strengthen your heart. Hang in there!


I hope that I made some sense. I feel like I circled the bush but didn't quite get to the point :-/ I was thinking of so much it was hard to write it all down and make sense. Let me know what you think and if you can relate. I hope that everyone has a great night! 


-Lizzy

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

Sorry for being MIA

Sorry for being absent but my computer was struck with ANOTHER virus. Ugh. So frustrating. It seems to be on the mend now so I will try to post later.

-Liz

Let's take it a step further

So in my last post I discussed how I've realized there is a big learning curve when it comes to relating to a spouse that is in EMS. Since then I have read a couple of really good articles that have added to my head knowledge concerning this matter. The first one a fellow Paramedic wife showed me, and the very next day when my husband came home he was pulling it up for me, saying they were all so true! lol the link for it is here. This lady definitely knows what she is talking about since she is a former Medic she has "been there." The second article is about a topic that I have been wanting to research closely because I think it is a major factor in why marriages in this line of work take a real beating. It's called Burn Out or more specifically Post Traumatic Stress. This has been on my heart lately because I feel like as a wife I need to be acutely aware of my husband's emotional, and mental health with work. They endure so much every shift with all of the highs and lows in adrenaline, and then with what they see. It's enough to make any person exhausted. So here is the link for that.  It is a long article but definitely worth the time it takes to read it. I'm bringing all of this up because I'm seeing my focus shifting. I don't want to just survive everyday in my marriage and life. I'm not saying that things are bad. They are actually very good, but if we aren't careful we can become complacent. And I think that is a very dangerous place to be.

My friends I want to take things a step further. In my life and in my marriage. What better time to start then at the beginning of a new year! There aren't very many resources I've found for couples in our position. But I found one that I am wanting to dive into and that is The Love Dare. If you have never heard of it it's based off the movie Fireproof. It's not designed specifically for EMS spouses but I feel like it is a perfect fit. The whole movie is about true, committed love. And that is exactly what is needed for our calling! It's a forty day challenge that I admit I am most nervous about embarking on but I think it will be oh so worth it. So that is the challenge I am giving myself. 

Are you looking for a change too? What are you going to do about it? I would love to hear what you want to aspire to in the new year!

Until next time,
Liz

How well do I really relate to my Medic?

It is very important to me that I am being completely honest on this journey in my life and marriage. If you read my last post you know that we have had a rough year and I have been doing a lot of self-evaluation. At the peak of our hardship my husband and I started tweaking things in our marriage. It's not that we weren't happy before but there was so much stress that things began to take a toll. I can't really put my finger on the exact moment when I decided I needed to change my attitude. But I am so glad that I made that choice. Without realizing it I had become too involved in my own inward turmoil that I was literally sucking the joy out of our marriage. I didn't see all the things that my husband was doing to help me and encourage me. It breaks my heart to think about it. He is such a good man, and the best friend I could ask for (love ya babe!). So I remember thinking, "You know, life really sucks right now, but maybe I should try practicing being thankful, and grateful for what I have." So I started doing that, and even when I didn't feel like it on the inside, I tried to smile more and encourage more. It just began building on itself and I noticed some major changes in our relationship. First of all my husband was happier, haha! Instead of my usual pestering of, "Why are you doing that?" or "Can you please not wash clothes that way/put away the dishes like that/forget everything on the shopping list/blow your nose that way?" the last one is a joke. Okay maybe not. I think I did get annoyed with him once for "blowing his nose too loud and waking the baby." Sheesh! would you want to live with that person?! I know I wouldn't! (I promise I'm a good wife! lol) So I began swapping those grating comments for ones of affirmation. Thanking him for loading the dishwasher, taking the trash out, playing with our daughter so I can have some free time, etc. And the biggest thing of all: letting him be a leader in our home.

The other day we were having a heart to heart conversation about some things that had been going on recently and he shared how he was struggling with the assurance that he was making the right moves in areas pertaining to our family and other things. So I was trying to be encouraging and pointed out that he handles things so beautifully at work that he needed to trust in his capabilities to make good decisions in stressful situations. He nodded his head and agreed, saying, "You know, you really have no idea what I do at work. I want you to ride along with me sometime so you can see." I laughed it off with a comment like, "Yeah, that would go over real well." And he just stared at me with those clear blue eyes of his and replied, "I'm serious."

*Gulp* Could I really handle that? I know for a fact that he doesn't tell me a 1/4 of the things he does at work. How would I handle seeing someone's arm chopped off or throwing up blood or worse, watching someone's life slip away? I can tell you right now that I couldn't. Not at all. So now I'm stuck thinking, "How well can I really relate to someone who goes through that?" I don't think you really can. You know how they say, "Don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes." I think that applies here. 

If you were to ask me if I knew then what I know now would I still choose to marry a Paramedic I wouldn't hesitate, I would answer yes. It is hard a lot of times, but what I'm beginning to realize is that there are only certain types of people that can do this job, and they usually have these qualities:
-Dedicated 
-Hardworking
-Love to help others
-Have great leadership skills 
Looking at that list, wouldn't you want to have those qualities in a spouse? I do!
They say that the divorce rate of people with spouses in EMS, the Police Department, and the Military are the highest among the national average. I used to think, yeah duh, it's the crazy hours and life threatening situations, etc. But I don't think that's it now. I think maybe we have been looking at it all wrong. I didn't marry a job description. I married a man who courageously uses his skills to help others, to build up his community, and to make a difference in the world. I think it's time to stop looking at all the pitfalls of long shifts, and wacky schedules, and really get to know what makes these people tick. And let me say that I am preaching to myself right now. Just think about love. Love is not just a warm feeling we have towards another person, it certainly is part of it but that isn't what love is about. Love is about sacrifice, and putting the other person before yourself. When I look at my husband's character that description fits him to a T. What a great example of Christ's love for us. 

When I look at my husband I don't see being a Paramedic as just the way he provides for his family, I see it as an extension of who he is. His personality, his strengths, and his passions. Seeing the whole picture in that way is helping me realize this way of life is truly a calling. Not for the faint of heart, but for those who are seeking adventure, and life lived at it's fullest. 

Maybe now I can begin to relate to my Medic. How about you?

-Liz  

Moving Forward

As I'm sitting at my kitchen table writing this post I'm looking out at the quiet gray sky outlining the bare trees surrounding our house. We've come through the coldest week on record here in our part of the south. Although we didn't receive ten feet of snow like some of our western counterparts it was interesting to say the least. I can't help to compare our weather situation to what seems to be my real life situation right now. The past two months I have gone through the hardest trial of my life. One that shook my faith to it's core and rocked my family, and marriage life. So, while I was sitting, curled up in a fetal position in my bed I couldn't help but wonder, "Where do I go from here?" "How does God rebuild from this?" 
Well I have the answer. Sort of. He DOES rebuild. But it is a very painful and sometimes exhausting experience. 
I will not name names or point fingers or say exactly what happened because I don't believe that letting angry fester into bitterness solves anything. And though I have been terribly hurt by this person I still love them and wish no ill will on their life.

I found out quite a while ago that someone was saying things about my husband that I knew were untrue and completely unjustified. Hoping the problem would just go away (yeah not so much) I never confronted them (I hate conflict). But through circumstances  I don't care to divulge it came time for me to jump in and ask the questions that I didn't want to ask. The answer was not what I dreamed or imagined and completely shattered my heart. Into a million tiny pieces. Why? why why why?? I mourned over our relationship that obviously would be irreparable unless divine intervention rendered it whole again. It is a very hard situation because you see, even if I tried, there is no way that I can truly separate myself from this person.  I wouldn't want to. Blood is thicker then water. I'll leave it at that. 
On top of this another close relationship of mine, well over 15 years in the making, crumbled as well. And did I mention that I was hardly seeing my husband for all the over time he was clocking? I didn't? Well, I hardly saw my husband. 

I felt like I had gone through "The wringer" so to speak, time and again. Blow after heartbreaking blow it seemed it wouldn't end. I knew darkness was knocking on the door of my heart and if I let it depression would do it's best to consume me. But this time I wasn't going to let that happen. I decided to fight back. I will admit at first it was on my own strength and from that mistake anger began creeping in. But my dear family, my father, mother, and little sister reminded me that anger only hurts one person and that is you. The person you are angry with goes on completely oblivious while you are consumed. 

So this week I have asked God to be brutally honest with me, and I am beginning to realize that every trial that comes my way is to shape me to be more like Him. The other day when all of these thoughts in my head were threatening to consume my day and my night I began praying. And through that time I began quoting in my head, telling God who He is to me and What He has promised me: 
1. He is good
2. He is faithful
3. He loves me
4. He will never leave me 
5. He is my Father who protects me
6. He is my God who works on my behalf 

I'm realizing that you have to be truly broken before any real change can happen in your life. Am I right? I don't want to give up a certain food until I find out it's no longer good for my health. In my life I have done two things: 1. Try to be in control of everything and 2. Care more about what people think of me then God.
This can't happen anymore. All of this I have learned and yet I feel like I have just scratched the surface of my problems. I am so thankful that through this trial God has shown me how much I was living in self-preservation mode. But by His grace, slowly the pieces are coming together. I have joy in my marriage again (I will expound on that way more later but it is for another time) utter satisfaction in my role as a mother now, and I am beginning to love myself. For who I am and not who the world says I am. That is so freeing! 

Each day is different, sometimes hard. But always a blessing. I'm so thankful to be alive, and it's all thanks to God. So here is to a new year and moving forward. May God lead us down the path we are meant to walk on.

In His peace,
Liz

The Dawn of a New Beginning

I'm realizing how serious all my blog titles are, haha! I guess being an English Major I like describing things so something like "January 3, 2013" doesn't really cut it. Not that there is anything wrong with using a date for a title. I get away from myself. Anyway...

Friends, I am going to be honest and say that 2013 was a bad year. As in it sucked BAD. In a earth-shattering, faith-shaking sort of way. For a while there I wasn't sure I was going to make it. But by the Grace of God we made it through. After all of this I have decided to keep the blog because:
 1.) I need to have honest self reflection in my life
 2.) A chance to record this time in our life 
 3.) I like to write :) 

So there you have it. More to follow. Until then enjoy this picture of our family that would have gone out on Christmas cards if I had actually sent them out this year *sigh*