I thought I should do a revision of this post that I made almost a year ago since we have added a little one to the mix :) things have changed a LOT. What was easy for B and I to do before is much harder now. Not impossible, just a challenge. I also felt like I should write this post because we have had some hard bumps in the road this past year with personal things and his schedule changing so much. We have had to evolve constantly as things have been thrown our way. I just want to add a little note to this post as well: anything that I say here, if it does not work for you and your family then ignore it! don't feel like you have to take everyone's advice if it does not suit your situation. You know you best. But I hope that I can give some helpful tips that we have learned through trial and error. Here they are:
1.) No matter what, next to God, your marriage/relationship is #1 priority in the house. If its not then you are going to encounter many, many hurdles. I've learned this the hard way this past year. After having S I was so focused on the mom thing that I wasn't thinking of much else. I wasn't thinking about my relationship with my husband nearly enough and because of that we both became burned out. Me with everything at home and B with work. Not a fun situation at all. So we decided that we needed to step back and reevaluate our priorities. Spending time together should not be a special occasion. It should be intentional contact, and purposeful conversation. And when need be, companionable silence. A marriage book that I would suggest to any new couple and seasoned veterans would be one called Love and Respect. I'm sure that you could find a copy on Amazon. At any rate whatever you do, make sure you are on the same page and that you are spending quality time together. I know. It had been said many times. But it doesn't make it less true.
2.) One of the things that B and I decided is a top priority is also making time for us to spend ALONE. When we sat down and talked we realized that B felt like he did little else but work and I felt like I did little else but take care of the baby. So we decided that every other shift rotation one of us spends the day doing what we want, all day. Be it go see a movie at the theater, go to the state park, hunting, hiking, the mall, etc. Whatever we want to do, we can go and not worry about being home at a certain time. You can't be a strong team if both of you are worn out and burned out. Make time for yourself.
3.) Be organized. Whatever system works for you. I have found that the more organized I am in my time and with things that I do around the house the more time I have to devote to my family. Now, if you walked into my house right now it would not be spotless but my dishes would be clean, laundry would be processing (lol as in a continual state of being), and my hubby and baby would be fed and content. I struggled with wanting everything to be perfect and in order and it blew up in my face. I was exhausted all the time and B would have to literally take me by the shoulders and sit me down, reminding me that I hadn't sat down all day, much less spent time with him or Sophie. So don't over do it. But I say from MY experience that things run smoother if I have these things taken care of:
4.) Enjoy every single moment of your life. In the end it doesn't matter how clean your house is, what things you have, what you have accomplished; if you haven't spent your time loving your husband and your family than I am afraid that you are missing the whole point. I'm learning that S doesn't care if I am perfect, if I give her the best toys or if I am raising her by the book. She wants a mother that loves her and spends time with her. That is it. Period. And my husband? He just wants a quiet evening snuggled on the couch, watching our favorite TV show. Everyday doesn't have to be spectacular. Live in the moment (I am preaching to myself here).
I thought that I would have a big list of revisions this time but really, I have found that the simpler the better. Life is too complicated as it is. My four things may not be the four things that you feel are important. I'm just telling you what I have learned and am in the process of learning. I hope that I was able to give a little nugget of advice that you can take away and revise and morph into what you need. If not, I hope you enjoyed the read :)
Whatever you do my friends, keep praying, keep seeking, and keep loving. You will find that living with a Paramedic is tough sometimes but it does not have to be impossible. Despite popular belief your family is not defined by a career. It is a big part of it, sure, but not the defining element. Just keep that in mind.
May God bless,
-Liz
1.) No matter what, next to God, your marriage/relationship is #1 priority in the house. If its not then you are going to encounter many, many hurdles. I've learned this the hard way this past year. After having S I was so focused on the mom thing that I wasn't thinking of much else. I wasn't thinking about my relationship with my husband nearly enough and because of that we both became burned out. Me with everything at home and B with work. Not a fun situation at all. So we decided that we needed to step back and reevaluate our priorities. Spending time together should not be a special occasion. It should be intentional contact, and purposeful conversation. And when need be, companionable silence. A marriage book that I would suggest to any new couple and seasoned veterans would be one called Love and Respect. I'm sure that you could find a copy on Amazon. At any rate whatever you do, make sure you are on the same page and that you are spending quality time together. I know. It had been said many times. But it doesn't make it less true.
2.) One of the things that B and I decided is a top priority is also making time for us to spend ALONE. When we sat down and talked we realized that B felt like he did little else but work and I felt like I did little else but take care of the baby. So we decided that every other shift rotation one of us spends the day doing what we want, all day. Be it go see a movie at the theater, go to the state park, hunting, hiking, the mall, etc. Whatever we want to do, we can go and not worry about being home at a certain time. You can't be a strong team if both of you are worn out and burned out. Make time for yourself.
3.) Be organized. Whatever system works for you. I have found that the more organized I am in my time and with things that I do around the house the more time I have to devote to my family. Now, if you walked into my house right now it would not be spotless but my dishes would be clean, laundry would be processing (lol as in a continual state of being), and my hubby and baby would be fed and content. I struggled with wanting everything to be perfect and in order and it blew up in my face. I was exhausted all the time and B would have to literally take me by the shoulders and sit me down, reminding me that I hadn't sat down all day, much less spent time with him or Sophie. So don't over do it. But I say from MY experience that things run smoother if I have these things taken care of:
- Meals planned and grocery list made
- Dishes clean and put away
- Baby fed on a schedule and put to sleep at scheduled time
4.) Enjoy every single moment of your life. In the end it doesn't matter how clean your house is, what things you have, what you have accomplished; if you haven't spent your time loving your husband and your family than I am afraid that you are missing the whole point. I'm learning that S doesn't care if I am perfect, if I give her the best toys or if I am raising her by the book. She wants a mother that loves her and spends time with her. That is it. Period. And my husband? He just wants a quiet evening snuggled on the couch, watching our favorite TV show. Everyday doesn't have to be spectacular. Live in the moment (I am preaching to myself here).
I thought that I would have a big list of revisions this time but really, I have found that the simpler the better. Life is too complicated as it is. My four things may not be the four things that you feel are important. I'm just telling you what I have learned and am in the process of learning. I hope that I was able to give a little nugget of advice that you can take away and revise and morph into what you need. If not, I hope you enjoyed the read :)
Whatever you do my friends, keep praying, keep seeking, and keep loving. You will find that living with a Paramedic is tough sometimes but it does not have to be impossible. Despite popular belief your family is not defined by a career. It is a big part of it, sure, but not the defining element. Just keep that in mind.
May God bless,
-Liz
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